Sunday, March 01, 2009

It's true. I'm 10 percent white trash.

I'm just guessing at the 10 percent. It could be more or less, but somehow I'm just not as elegant and cultured as I'd like to be. And it isn't just because at this very moment I have a cow leg complete with hoof lying in my front yard.

Yesterday it was planned that I would meet my mom, sister-in-law and niece for lunch and then shopping at a big discount/decorating store called Old Time Pottery. I still wasn't feeling well, so I lollygagged, which sounds not attractive at all and is pretty much my worst trait. I think. Please don't tell me I have a worse one.

To make a long story short, I missed my shopping date entirely. But I shopped anyway, finding myself attracted on this particular day to blue things, which reflected my mood. I loved the bluish-lavender Thomas O'Brien plates, but they were $2.49 each. That didn't seem discounted enough for me. I loved the goblets shot through with streaks of blue glass, and some wreaths with silk violets. I could have left the store empty-handed...if I hadn't been in the mood for summer. And, well, for summertime rednecky things to clutter up the outdoors. So I bought a chicken and a birdhouse.

But I didn't buy just any chicken. No, I bought faux copper SuperChicken, with action wings. Seriously. His wings are attached to little metal springs, which make them flap a little. And he has big googly eyes.



Tell me YOU could have passed him up. Really? You could have? Then what is WRONG with me???

Then I picked up this birdhouse. I don't know. I really don't. It was something about the red, white and blue. Something about the fake '58 license plate. Something about birds.



Is it kind of cute? A little fitting for the side of my garage which needs to be painted? No birds will ever nest there, of course. It's just for show. I'm so pretentious.

9 comments:

gillardia said...

I love that chicken. I wouldn't have passed it up either...

Gill

Linda S. Socha said...

Maurita
Girl...as my Aunt Mary would be likely to say...You are TOO funny.

I do need to share with you that a tad of white trash is seen as an understanding and a willingness to embrace diversity...yes really.

Also...Those with those true strains of white trashiness have a real way with words. HMMMM. Ok perhaps you do have 10 to 15 %.

Well none the less... lets just think of the chicken as a kindness to folk art (?) or as a tribute ...of some kind... and of the shopping as a kind of personal growth experience? It might also be a bit of a free spirited rebellion....to the occassional dullness of daily mundane life...We can all relate on that one I expect. Do remember...It may be different in the UK. I can only speak for Southern USA:>)

Goodness, I think I have forgotten the question. Was there a question.
Linda

MauritaMason said...

j, no white tires here!

Rachel, I haven't really bought "country" stuff since the 80's, so I wasn't sure. And using a tractor tire for a flower bed is recycling.

Lerm, I salute your ancestry! My great-great-great-great grandfather was a traitor!

Marchelle, your chicken makes my chicken feel better.

greeneyes, glad you overcame the accent!

yacky, how about a 2002 Chevy Trailblazer that hasn't run in 6 months?

gill, you're my new soulmate.

Linda, thanks for that lovely comment! I think I would have liked your Aunt Mary. And I like thinking of my shopping trip as a "free spirited rebellion."

Barnesm - it's my brain, obviously!

Miss M, the neighbor lost a cow that he buried in a shallow grave or not at all. Now my dog likes to drag parts of it home. The last time it was the udder!

Steve - at least it's not a gnome or a pink flamingo - ??

MauritaMason said...

Rachel, I came in at 35%! Man was I wrong!

MauritaMason said...

Hey, thanks. I have no idea how to answer that in a cool way. Guys?

MauritaMason said...

...or is he? It's hard to tell.

Anonymous said...

This is just comical.

MauritaMason said...

Rachel, still keeping my fingers crossed!

Simon, that was brilliant.

Steve said...

I realize he isn't white, but when I googled "chav," that was the very first hit. It's also a video clip that Dickbar posted sometime last year.