Sunday, March 01, 2009

It's true. I'm 10 percent white trash.

I'm just guessing at the 10 percent. It could be more or less, but somehow I'm just not as elegant and cultured as I'd like to be. And it isn't just because at this very moment I have a cow leg complete with hoof lying in my front yard.

Yesterday it was planned that I would meet my mom, sister-in-law and niece for lunch and then shopping at a big discount/decorating store called Old Time Pottery. I still wasn't feeling well, so I lollygagged, which sounds not attractive at all and is pretty much my worst trait. I think. Please don't tell me I have a worse one.

To make a long story short, I missed my shopping date entirely. But I shopped anyway, finding myself attracted on this particular day to blue things, which reflected my mood. I loved the bluish-lavender Thomas O'Brien plates, but they were $2.49 each. That didn't seem discounted enough for me. I loved the goblets shot through with streaks of blue glass, and some wreaths with silk violets. I could have left the store empty-handed...if I hadn't been in the mood for summer. And, well, for summertime rednecky things to clutter up the outdoors. So I bought a chicken and a birdhouse.

But I didn't buy just any chicken. No, I bought faux copper SuperChicken, with action wings. Seriously. His wings are attached to little metal springs, which make them flap a little. And he has big googly eyes.



Tell me YOU could have passed him up. Really? You could have? Then what is WRONG with me???

Then I picked up this birdhouse. I don't know. I really don't. It was something about the red, white and blue. Something about the fake '58 license plate. Something about birds.



Is it kind of cute? A little fitting for the side of my garage which needs to be painted? No birds will ever nest there, of course. It's just for show. I'm so pretentious.

26 comments:

Simon said...

You are clearly a woman of rare discrimination and taste. There are not many who would have made the choices you did.

P.S. Is it possibly for a Brit to be white trash, or is it only a US thing?

MauritaMason said...

Whew. Thank you, Simon.

It's always been my understanding that white trash Brits are confined to Blackpool.

jadedj said...

These would be upper crust white trash objects. Now, if you had taken the old tires from your Chevy pickup and painted them white...for the front entrance, that would have put you in the 20% category.

countrygirl005 said...

I don't think they're white trash. They're "country" (could be the same thing as white trash lol)

You must have a thing for roosters too.. My mom loves them.

Oh and my grandma does have a tractor tire in her front yard (with flowers in it) but it's not white, which makes it a little better lol..

LERMONTOV said...

I like to think of myself as 100% white trash. Born of convicts, who have interbred with convicts for the last 200 years. And those objects don't really appeal to me - I mean the chicken, what were you thinking! I can only conclude that your white trash tendencies are minimalist and will require some significant work if you wish to bring them to the fore.

Simon - re British White trash - Glasgow

Marchelle said...

don't feel bad. i bought a chicken too, just not a faux copper super chicken with action wings. no, mine was ceramic, painted to look old, and made in china, obviously.

i saw those license plates, too, and i thought they were cute! and i whole heartedly admit to being a little white trash, so i ain't here to judge.

greeneyes67 said...

I have some white trash in me! My family is from WVA so I inherited it. But not the accent. lol

I am chuckling at the comments though. You have some clever followers. Hope you're having a wonderful Sunday night.

yackydoodle said...

Darlin'....reckneck is not a faux chicken in the yard.....it's a '63 Dodge pickup that hasn't run for 3 years......and a old sofa on the front porch.

Remember....if you walk your dog and you BOTH use the tree on the corner....you might be a redneck.

gillardia said...

I love that chicken. I wouldn't have passed it up either...

Gill

Linda S. Socha said...

Maurita
Girl...as my Aunt Mary would be likely to say...You are TOO funny.

I do need to share with you that a tad of white trash is seen as an understanding and a willingness to embrace diversity...yes really.

Also...Those with those true strains of white trashiness have a real way with words. HMMMM. Ok perhaps you do have 10 to 15 %.

Well none the less... lets just think of the chicken as a kindness to folk art (?) or as a tribute ...of some kind... and of the shopping as a kind of personal growth experience? It might also be a bit of a free spirited rebellion....to the occassional dullness of daily mundane life...We can all relate on that one I expect. Do remember...It may be different in the UK. I can only speak for Southern USA:>)

Goodness, I think I have forgotten the question. Was there a question.
Linda

Barnesm said...

Nor could I have passed up such an objet d'art as the copper rooster (who could).

You may be 10% white trash, the question is which part is the 10%?

Urban Cynic said...

In Britain, White Trash people are called Chavs (google them)

I'm not sure about the poultry paraphernalia but I'm definitely more intrigued by the cow leg in the front yard - what's that all about?

PS - Those plates were CHEAP!

Steve said...

Isn't that more of a rooster? Either way, it's kitschy, but not white trash.

The license plate birdhouse, on the other hand....

MauritaMason said...

j, no white tires here!

Rachel, I haven't really bought "country" stuff since the 80's, so I wasn't sure. And using a tractor tire for a flower bed is recycling.

Lerm, I salute your ancestry! My great-great-great-great grandfather was a traitor!

Marchelle, your chicken makes my chicken feel better.

greeneyes, glad you overcame the accent!

yacky, how about a 2002 Chevy Trailblazer that hasn't run in 6 months?

gill, you're my new soulmate.

Linda, thanks for that lovely comment! I think I would have liked your Aunt Mary. And I like thinking of my shopping trip as a "free spirited rebellion."

Barnesm - it's my brain, obviously!

Miss M, the neighbor lost a cow that he buried in a shallow grave or not at all. Now my dog likes to drag parts of it home. The last time it was the udder!

Steve - at least it's not a gnome or a pink flamingo - ??

countrygirl005 said...

I found a white trash quiz for you to take :)

http://www.fuali.com/test.aspx?id=35205d9c-5462-4324-926d-bc2d7ca95e98

And apparently I'm only 36% white trash. Ha.

MauritaMason said...

Rachel, I came in at 35%! Man was I wrong!

Steve said...

A gnome would just mean you're old. Not really white trash. Pink flamingos, on the other hand are completely white trash.

Also, regarding the Brits, anyone with a Chav accent, I believe, is white trash.

I think this guy qualifies:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klhCQYU1DHo

Halcyon Grace said...

Hey, nice cock.

MauritaMason said...

Hey, thanks. I have no idea how to answer that in a cool way. Guys?

MauritaMason said...

um...Steve...he's not white...

MauritaMason said...

...or is he? It's hard to tell.

wildstorm said...

This is just comical.

countrygirl005 said...

Hey we're almost the same amount of white trash, cool :)

P.S. I took your advice and sent a nice friendly message, but I just realized I forgot the ! mark. I'll let you know if I get a respons :)

Simon said...

The person Steve provided as an example is indeed black, but is a chav, and therefore qualifies as an equivalent of white trash. It’s the ‘innit’ that gives him away.

And in Britain we don’t beat about the bush. We call a cock a cock, not a rooster.

MauritaMason said...

Rachel, still keeping my fingers crossed!

Simon, that was brilliant.

Steve said...

I realize he isn't white, but when I googled "chav," that was the very first hit. It's also a video clip that Dickbar posted sometime last year.