Monday, March 15, 2010

Practicality

My husband is a practical man. I don't suppose he is to blame for this, since he was raised by folks who lived through the Great Depression and who believed that only one gift (probably socks) was an acceptable thing for a boy to open on Christmas morning. But I blame him anyway, because in the process of being married to him for over 24 years he has ruined me. And I don't mean 'ruined' in the Biblical sense, although that's true, too. What I mean is that I have come to accept that I'm never again going to get what I really want for Christmas.

I can illustrate this perfectly by using only two examples:

EX. 1: One year as Christmas approached, it was obvious that our television was going out. Do you know what I wanted for Christmas? Probably diamonds. Do you know what I got for Christmas? That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I got a television set. Have I mentioned that I don't watch TV all that much?

EX 2: My husband had been complaining about the mountain of clutter which always manifests itself after ten or fifteen years of raising children. So that year on Christmas morning, I was surprised and rather grateful to find that Santa had left, beneath the tree, several plastic storage containers, all shiny and new and ready to fill. But wait! There's more! All wrapped up in pretty Christmas paper, totally unable to camouflage itself, was a brand new toilet seat.

8 comments:

Propoquerian said...

okay, someone should really write a sitcom character based on your husband ;)

MauritaMason said...

Pro, that made me laugh. A friend of my oldest son once said that someday he was going to use the entire family as characters in a sitcom.

Urban Cynic said...

Brilliant! My Dad usually buys my Mum kitchen appliances. She kinda likes them sadly...

Pam said...

If my husband gave me a toilet seat for Christmas he'd be wearing it around his neck, and I'd feel like doing to him exactly what I was doing to the turkey in preparation for lunch! When he was growing up,no-one in the family was allowed to open Christmas presents until they'd all come home from morning church,which was agonizing for the children as the parents stood around and socialized for a while.See? These parents have damaged their children into buying weird Christmas presents in later life!Is there a name for this sydrome. Yultideius Symptomaticus?

Simon said...

I don’t understand. Or do you mean he should have bought you that new orbital sander you’d always wanted?

MauritaMason said...

UC, oh I get those too! But I don't necessarily like it. :)

Pam, I think your theory has merit.

Simon, no. Actually, I bought him the orbital sander I always wanted. He used it until it broke, then exchanged it for a better one.

countrygirl005 said...

lol, I <3 Uncle Jerry. Sounds exactly like my father.

MauritaMason said...

cg5 - yes it does! Must be something about farmers. Steer clear!