Friday, February 27, 2009

Human guinea pig is unwell and slightly paranoid.

Since first developing allergies at the age of 12, and because of my inherited hypochondriac tendencies, I've always thought of myself as a human guinea pig. I prefer this term over "laboratory rat."

Let me see if I can lay this out for you without sounding totally crazy.

Here is a list of chemicals/food ingredients I've learned that my body can't handle:

1. Food dye Red No. 40 - turns me (and my oldest son) into the Incredible Hulk.

2. Monosodium glutamate - gives me (and my 1st and 3rd sons) migraine headaches. These are true migraines which include visual disturbances, headache, vomiting, sensitivity to light, and damage to brain cells (a scientific fact).

3. Aspartame, Splenda, sucralose, and any other artificial sweetener - make the skin on my face go numb. When I've had enough of one of these sugar substitutes, I can run a sharp fingernail down my cheek and not feel it.

4. High Fructose Corn Syrup - extended use or overingestion makes my heart feel like it's going to explode out of my chest. (Coincidentally, a study among actual laboratory rats resulted in female rats having their hearts enlarge until they exploded, and male rats not developing testicles.) So, yeah...you could also say it makes me feel like I have no balls. Just kidding!! And I notice a feeling of numbness around the joints in my fingers, wrists and knees.

5. Sulfites - found in every bottle of wine sold in America (unless someone can tell me otherwise). Again with the heart pounding and elevated blood pressure.

6. Common table salt and pure cane sugar - not sure about these, but I seem to be finding out that when I have too much of either, my blood pressure numbers skyrocket. It's well known that sodium levels affect blood pressure, but I wasn't sure about the effect of high blood sugar levels on blood pressure. Last night I found some info on the internet (yay) which may support that. And while I really don't eat a lot of sweets, I do occasionally have a lemonade, or make my own barbecue sauce out of catsup and brown sugar, or any number of other things that allow sugar to sneak its way into my body...

including chewing gum. And guess what ALL chewing gums on the market contain now, including Wrigley's? Aspartame. Which has probably been unleashing all kinds of weird chemical reactions in my body every time I pop a piece of gum in my mouth, all day long at work. Which may be why I can't get my blood pressure under control, despite my doctor having doubled the strength of my prescription. (In case you're wondering, two nights this week, the numbers were 140/100.)

So now I won't even chew gum. I hope someone steals all of it out of my desk this weekend.

And white bread? Pfft. Fuggeddaboutit. Not after what I read last night. In fact, I may just stop eating altogether. Because guess what? After not eating at all, my blood pressure is perfectly normal.

13 comments:

AK™ said...

fun times
have you tried natural food..because it sounds like that's about the only thing that your and your kids are not allergic to.

i wonder if any vaccines have some of the stuff that you are allergic to in them..that would suck big time.

MauritaMason said...

AK, I'm TRYING. As for vaccines, I never get a flu shot because they make me sick. Let's hope there's not a pandemic anytime soon.

Pastor Larry said...

Not eating at all has other side effects that are not so nice and includes death.
After not eating for a day test one item at a time to see what is safe and what is not.

MauritaMason said...

Pastor Larry, I love food too much to give it up entirely. I've actually been thinking about doing that elimination diet. I at least know rice is okay, which I think is where you start.

Thanks for your comment.

LERMONTOV said...

The answer is Ambrosia - served by Ganymede

MauritaMason said...

I can't believe you aren't suggesting the G&T diet! I do love ambrosia, though.

Fijufic said...

OMG!!!!

I'm laughing with you. What a mess.

Love,
Bobby

Marchelle said...

Flu shots make me sick too, within two weeks after getting one!

I saw this commercial the other day and thought of you...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEbRxTOyGf0

...hopefully after watching it your BP doesn't sky-rocket.

jadedj said...

I'm wid ya regarding gum. Totally ticking me off. I want my gum, but I too suffer from HBP.

Flu shots are a no no for me, also.

I am beginning to wonder if there are any safe foods left at all. .

MauritaMason said...

Bobby, thanks for laughing with me and not at me!

Marchelle, I knew before clicked the link (from my email) exactly what that was. Those commercials really irritate me. Did you happen to see this response? Very offensive, but it supports my message right back to the Corn Refiner's Association. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMo3gOWC8h0

j, so had you already figured out that gum/Aspartame elevates blood pressure? If so, why didn't you tell me? lol

becomingkate said...

You mentioned all the things I was worried about, including asparatame, table salt and all other processed foods.
I'm thinking about making my own tomato sauces and soups because of all the addictives...
I get Aura migraines - those are the ones that make you throw up and see weird lights in your eyes. Is that what you get as well? Very disorienting!

wildstorm said...

Natural food ONLY! All that aspartame, MSG, sodium nitrates, and HFCS is BAD BAD BAD. Don't eat it!

wildstorm said...

Natural food ONLY! All that aspartame, MSG, sodium nitrates, and HFCS is BAD BAD BAD. Don't eat it!