Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Temperature of Hell

This was forwarded to me by a co-worker:

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed)or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls
are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

5 comments:

Fijufic said...

My wife teaches Nurses on a Masters level and even then some of the answers will floor you.

I should show you some of the stuff that has been written about "Culture" for instance.

I sure as hell wouldn't want her grading my papers.

This of course is funny as hell!!!

You kill me in a good way.

Thanks,
Bobby

LERMONTOV said...

That was pretty bloody funny

Urban Cynic said...

Brilliant.

Like the new-look blog as well!

Knifeboy said...

I like that very much. Very creative as well as funny. Someone put a lot of thought into it.

Simon said...

I’m afraid that this is another internet urban myth (check Snopes.com for the background): furthermore it fails to mention the very obvious factor that the mass of the souls must play, without which no calculation could have any meaning. Since most religions specify that souls are spirit and have no mass, then the student should have been slapped on the wrist for this obvious omission, not congratulated.