Thursday, February 26, 2009

Songs That Make Me Uncomfortable

It first happened when I was a teenager. I was on a road trip with my dad and my sister, presumably to take her back to college in Iowa, when we walked into a truck stop to eat. The song that was playing rather loudly when we entered the restaurant was Bad Company's Feel Like Making Love. It might not have been so bad if my dad wasn't there. I might not have been uncomfortable at all if it didn't feel like I was a place for 50,000 truckers to park their eyes.

The same thing has happened a few times over the years, usually when I'm eating alone in a restaurant, or when I'm the only woman in a gas station, etc.

I also have a slight phobia of police officers. It might have something to do with them always being assholes when I'm speeding, which of course I have never done. What I mean is they were assholes in the past when I was allegedly speeding and they erroneously gave me tickets.

So imagine my discomfort today when I was peacefully sitting at Long John Silver's, eating some possibly fake grilled tilapia, when Donna Summer's Love to Love You Baby started moaning and writhing out of the speakers like a cat in heat, and one of the two police officers sharing the restaurant was getting catsup about 2 feet away from me, whistling the love to love you baby part. Officer, please don't love to love me. Don't even love me. Don't even think about loving to love me. And then some other guy (perhaps a construction worker) came over to refill his drink, and kept positioning his body sideways so he could stare at me. I would have bent over a little to allow my hair to fall in my face, but I was afraid that might give the guy an unimpeded view down my top. Instead, I just kept shoveling food in my face. I ate my breadstick so that it would in no way resemble a sex act of any kind, hoping that I could either finish eating before Donna Summer ran out of breathlessness, or that the song would end along with the crawly feeling moving up and down my back.

As it turns out, Donna finished before I did, but my relief was short-lived. Because whoever created this 70's strip club playlist moved right into I Was Made for Loving You by KISS.


doanli said...

I'm sorry you were trying to have a nice meal and those guys ruined it for you.

I feel uncomfortable too when songs like that play in public places and there are lots of ugly men. (Make sure you're flashing your wedding ring!!!)


doanli said...

Funny thought just now:

Lermontov (and Steve?) probably automatically gyrates to that music, ROFL

MauritaMason said...

Oh PLEASE don't make me laugh out loud at work!

Steve said...

To "Bad Company," yes. But not to Donna Summer. I don't even know that song.

Maybe the cop was referring to the grilled tilapia when he was whistling?

MauritaMason said...

You know, Steve, that makes me wish I were in Advertising. I would totally do a Long John Silver's commercial using that song.

Fijufic said...

Oh we take explicit songs to the outer edge.

I had my kid singing "Crazy bitch" but switching the lyrics to be more girl friendly and while it sounded cool it was WAYYYYY inappropriate.

I love to play it because the guitar work is just plain old four on the floor fun.

Till this very day when we set up I'll warm up with the bass player and drummer to get our levels correct with "rape me" by nirvana.

Again a great song to check levels but horrible otherwise.

My kid topped everything by putting "My Dick" (Mickey Avalon) as the ringer on my cell phone.

Damn kid. I thought she would piss her pants when I called her laughing at me...


Its just music I suppose.

We are also a bit nuts.


TCBNTX said...

This is a great post

yackydoodle said...

How can Steve not know that song...I thought that was the most erotic thing ever when I was a kid.

Speaking of uncomfortable, I'm at a meeting today and tomorrow in the conference center of the NTSB and I keep thinking about how this is where they talk about crashes and there is a separate room marked "family members."

Knifeboy said...

Another great post, Maurita. Any time I've had those uncomfortable moments though, it was been around the kids when they were teens.

A good post might also be about what song was playing the first time you ever had sex. For me it was some spacey song on side two of Pink Floyd's Dark Side Of The Moon. Of course, that pretty much dates me...

Simon said...

Okay, you win today’s prize for making me laugh out loud (well, snort through my nose to be exact) with the line:

‘I ate my breadstick so that it would in no way resemble a sex act of any kind.’

I’m sure that there are sex acts that cover all manners of eating breadsticks, but I take your remark in the manner it was intended, being a charitable fellow.

Anonymous said...

I want me some donna summer fake hair.....meemaw

great post, Marita.

Labetine said...

Love this post, lol. One song I've always hated and felt uncomfortable about was Alabama's Lay Lady Lay...argggg, that song made me sick! I don't know why, it isn't that bad but it just didn't do anything for me. :)

Linda S. Socha said...

Funny, understandable and well written!

MauritaMason said...

Bobby, I think it's great that you connect with your daughter through music that way.

TCB, thanks!

Yacky, that's slightly creepy. That place must be haunted by grief.

Knifeboy, I don't think there has ever been music. Ever.

Simon, I'm glad I could make you snort.

Meemaw, but you DO have fake Donna Summer hair! I've seen the photo!

Betty, yuck! I never liked that one either!

Linda, thanks for understanding! ;)

Steve said...

Yacky, want to know how I don't know that song?

I was born in 1972.

Sorry buddy. You asked for it. Literally.

MM, catchy advertising could be the only possible way anyone would ever consider eating at LJS. It's certainly not for the food.

theredhead said...

That was a fairly sexy trip to Long John Silver's. I wish they had more of them in the city.

MauritaMason said...

Steve, their "sounds good to me" ad was pure genius, because possibly the only time anyone will eat there is when it sounds good...which is usually about once a year, always followed by regret.

trh, maybe it would've felt more sexy if I'd been in a better mood.

Never Too Busy said...

It's true, some songs should just NOT be played in public.