Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Author Bio

Maurita Mason was born in 1962 in Indianapolis, the daughter of an Aquarian with a million hobbies and an accomplished artist. She is a graduate of the School of Hard Knocks, where she earned degrees in non-classical "literature," baby raising, and poultry. Maurita is the author of one-half a novel titled Untitled in which the reader is expected to finish the story and give the book a title. She is a complete and utter fake, as illustrated here by this poorly airbrushed photo. Blah blah blah, filler filler, blah blah blah, so I can get the text to wrap around the picture like it's supposed to.

34 comments:

Dickingtonbar II said...

she's incredibly lovable

MauritaMason said...

No, she's not. That's fake, too.

Pastor Larry said...

Well one can say the honesty is a lovable trait but then well you know that can be faked too ;-)

yackydoodle said...

I'm still trying to figure out "non-classical literature"

at least you're a Hoosier

elb said...

Sounds like a delightful author to me.

Dickingtonbar II said...

i don't care what she says; she is

Marty said...

You forgot the part about humor - because that can not be faked!

AK™ said...

well fake or not..she does care about people.
and she looks good..pshopped or not.

countrygirl005 said...

I agree with elb. I would love to read some of her work even if it is untitled :)

doanli said...

You look, and from what I read here and elsewhere, like a very lovely woman.

Be proud of yourself, MM. ;)

Steve said...

I'm glad I don't know how to use photoshop, or I'd spend 10 hours a day putting Hitler mustaches and unibrows on everyone.

Simon said...

You forgot the ‘She lives alone with a houseful of cats, refusing to answer the door to anyone, and keeps a small gold-framed photograph of Simon beside her bed.’

Fijufic said...

I get so mad that I am just tuning in to your blog.

What I do see through all the smoke and mirrors is that you are loved.

This is a wonderful thing.

Bobby

MauritaMason said...

Pastor Larry, now you have me really confused!

yacky, that would be anything with a romantic looking couple on the cover. And yes, at least.

Liz, fanx!

DB II, if you say so.

Marty...then how do you explain Carrot Top?

AK, perhaps she appears to care about people? haha, j/k. Actually, the older I get, the more I care. But I still couldn't be a doctor or nurse.

cg05, I'll show you someday. Since it's mostly dialogue, you'll read through it in about 15 minutes, tops.

doanli, thanks. That was sweet. But did you see the nose?

Steve, haha - I can totally see you doing that. Which reminds me, we need for Simon to repost the portrait of you as a British officer. That was my favorite ever.

Simon, alas, yes. Should I tack it on, or would that be considered plagiarism?

Bobby, I'm mad at you, too. No, just kidding. Okay maybe a little, because I missed out on a lot of lovely comments from you.

Steve said...

I should point out that I wouldn't put the Hitler mustaches and unibrows on EVERYONE. Obviously, Italian and Armenian women already have their own.

HEY-YOOOOOO!

Simon said...

You may; or, if you prefer, I could write you an entirely new fake biography. You’d be surprised to discover which well-known authors have had their book-cover bios written by me.

As for being untitled, that’s nothing. I have no title. As I’ve observed before, ‘Sir Simon’ would be too alliterative.

MauritaMason said...

hahaha, Steve. That made me laugh out loud.

Simon - yes! I would love for you to write an entirely new fake biography! You could do that for all the Jayesse Refugees!

As for a title, Sir isn't good enough. You ought to be addressed as either "My Lord" or "Your Grace."

jadedj said...

You are indeed loved. Photoshop notwithstanding this does not take away from the fact that you are in actuality...Steve.

LERMONTOV said...

THe School of Hard Knocks sounds like a tough school - I'd hate to see those that flunked.

Photo looks great too!

becomingkate said...

I love that new pic! You're definitely lovely - and what excellent taste in boots.

moonshark said...

You had me at blah...

Steve said...

MM, Armenian women are no laughing matter. They have one facial expression: Angry bitterness. They make German figure skating coaches look like Carrot Top by comparison.

MauritaMason said...

j, haha, I can only aspire to be like Steve.

Lerm, those who flunk out are usually not seen or heard from again.

Kate, thank you.

moon, indeed! Cliches allow my creativity to stretch farther.

MauritaMason said...

Steve, incredibly, I've never met an Armenian woman, but I may have seen some American descendants of Armenians. I think I'll do a Google image search of 'Armenian woman.'

MauritaMason said...

Holy cow, Steve, I'm frightened now!

burstmode said...

get a better camera...

I like the photo, btw.

MauritaMason said...

burstmode, I'm stuck with the Canon 40d for a long, long time.

Steve said...

I grew up with a man of Armenian descent. All the women start to develop those features in their mid-30's.

FYI, Kardashian is an Armenian name, so if you have any dislike for any of the Kardashian girls, give them a few years. We'll start to wonder if they've been taking male hormones.

MauritaMason said...

Steve, I can't think of anything I like about the Kardashians. But there could still be some ratings potential when they do the show after the male hormones kick in.

wildstorm said...

We must have gone to the same school. You have a great sense of humor. Always a pleasure to read you. Keep writing that book!

MauritaMason said...

wildstorm, thank you. I would like to start taking my writing seriously again. But not at the expense of blogging, of course.

Steve said...

Kim Kardashian's sex tape will be long forgotten once a video of her shaving her mustache hits the interweb.

Anneal said...

your eyes......what color are they?

MauritaMason said...

I like to think of them as amber.